who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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