wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
