the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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