Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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