I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said her name was "party"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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