Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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