So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
