God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
