Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
