when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
