She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
