Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
