Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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