i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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