yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
