now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
