dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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