hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
