im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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