Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
