he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
