hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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