How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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