I must be too annoying 4 u.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
