I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
