Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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