i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
