the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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