i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
