I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
