so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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