I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need water and some morals
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