Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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