you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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