hell yes lets make some ravioli
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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