...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
