Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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