You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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