We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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