yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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