How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
