i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
