I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
