apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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