just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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