are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
