listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
