I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
