I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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