My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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