Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
