I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
