I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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