its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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