It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
