haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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