What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We need to get me chipped asap
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
