Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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