I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
