Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
