I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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