I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
