if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
