I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
