You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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