Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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