I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
