so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
