just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
