So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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