i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
