I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
