You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want her autograph on my taint
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
